Philosophers always feel the need to name their books two seemingly different things connected by some sort of primitive bond. Being and nothingness, Being and time, naming and necessity, language and logic...
I was looking at possible grad schools today. I have a list of about 25, some I don't think I can get into and some I might be able to get into. Even though I am on the brink of applying I do not really know if this is what I want to do with myself. I was talking to my hs history teacher and he told me that I should be passionate about something. I was thinking about that for a while and I choose philosophy I decided to be passionate about that. It is very funny to think that someone chooses something to be passionate about something, it doesn't seem to really work that way. One should stumble over something like passion, come to the realization that one is passionate, as opposed to making it a goal. Sometimes I really think that I really want to go to grad school, spend another 7 years of my life in school. Learning all there is about philosophy. But other times I don't fell as if I can do it. I don't feel as if I am up to the task, I do not think that I am smart enough. So I convince myself that I do not want it. It is much easier to fail at something that you do not want. If you constantly set yourself up for disappointment you are bound to have a rather pleasant life albeit one lacking in passion.
Perhaps I have just grown tired of philosophy. The seemingly meaningless discussions of identity and reality. When I was younger I so much wanted to know who I was, and now I think I do. I think I see myself for what I am with all my flaws and I am more comfortable with that now than I have ever been. Part of that is the realization that I am not smart enough. So be it, but that does not stop me from trying to gain what I do not deserve.
I had coffee and combination brunch/dinner at my favorite coffee house in Oxford. Every time I am in there I want to buy this cheesecake thing but I never do because I can never justify spending money on something like that. This time I got it and it was a complete and utter disappointment. Sometimes when you want something like that the build up is much more that the thing itself is worth. Sometimes the mere fact that you desire it makes it seem much more than it deserves to be desired. As life goes on it seems that a lot of things turn out that way.
Sometime things turn out exactly how you though they would. Oxford certainly did, but than you have to worry about self fulfilling prophecies..
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Movies
I went to this old movie theater last night to see 'Funny Games US.' The only cash register was outside in an old booth and when I got there I didn't see anyone. Just as I was about to leave I see someone climbing down this metal ladder right next to the booth. He was a rotund Indian man. I almost felt as if I should ask him if they played Bollywood movies, but I doubt they do, even though they should. Besides it wouldn't have been pc.
The movie theater was a large room with some broken down chairs in the middle. Most were oriented towards the screen that seemed to require a good washing. It reminded me of the turbine at the Tate. There was an eerie smell of popcorn, which would not normally seem strange but none was on sale. The theater itself was deplorable, broken down, uncomfortable seats, a whirling noise. I was there early so I sat down waiting for the movie to begin. Nobody else came in. I was alone in this amazing theater.
The movie was a tour de force of sadism and horror, very fitting for the setting. As I left I felt the need to avoid everyone I met in the 'bad' side of Oxford.
The theater I usually go to has nice films playing and it is fairly comfortable. They have popcorn and beer and anything else you would expect from a movie theater. They also have a bar that has an open mic night every thursday. Its a nice yuppie place. The theater that I went looked as if it had been there since they started making movies. Originally movie theaters were a big deal. Simply to buy the equipment justified constructing a building to compete with an opera house. Even now when you go to the newer movie theaters there is a sense of majesty. Yet, in the golden age of cinema theaters were something to behold. The one I went to wasn't one of those. It was something that existed fro the sole purpose of showing movies. It shows a lot of different movies every week, I would like to see their archives. The grandiose theaters of the past sought to entertain before even seeing the film, they lacked the substance. The films of the era were able to enchant people merely with moving people and corny love story now thy have to work for it.
I like movies about how movies used to be. I like the idea that you did not need to do too much with the film to capture an audience. There is something so beautiful about grinding some down with aesthetic cliches. But not diving beyond the service of a film grows boring quickly. It becomes predictable and eventually hilarious. Something like Indi 4 uses the every idea of a cliche to poke fun at itself. Yet, these cliches once meant something. Also with the proliferation of tv the formulas that used to work, well became formulas. Once you are bale to quantify something it losses its charm. It is understandable and predictable. That is not to say that something that has these qualities is not charming in a different way. 300 for example used every trick in the book to work its way into the hearts of thousands and it was very successful in its endeavor because it was exactly what you were expecting.
Yet, when art becomes formalized it fails to force you to revaluate your perspective of the world, which at least in my humble opinion is the only benefit of art (there are also some societal benefits to art but that is a different matter). Without art making us realize more it becomes merely entertainment. Yet, sometimes it is not the art that changes us it is the place we see it or other such auxiliaries. Theaters were once art and now they have become soulless places. The theater I went to wasn't soulless, the ghost is still in the machine.
Enough absinthe can crush your spirit to the bone
The movie theater was a large room with some broken down chairs in the middle. Most were oriented towards the screen that seemed to require a good washing. It reminded me of the turbine at the Tate. There was an eerie smell of popcorn, which would not normally seem strange but none was on sale. The theater itself was deplorable, broken down, uncomfortable seats, a whirling noise. I was there early so I sat down waiting for the movie to begin. Nobody else came in. I was alone in this amazing theater.
The movie was a tour de force of sadism and horror, very fitting for the setting. As I left I felt the need to avoid everyone I met in the 'bad' side of Oxford.
The theater I usually go to has nice films playing and it is fairly comfortable. They have popcorn and beer and anything else you would expect from a movie theater. They also have a bar that has an open mic night every thursday. Its a nice yuppie place. The theater that I went looked as if it had been there since they started making movies. Originally movie theaters were a big deal. Simply to buy the equipment justified constructing a building to compete with an opera house. Even now when you go to the newer movie theaters there is a sense of majesty. Yet, in the golden age of cinema theaters were something to behold. The one I went to wasn't one of those. It was something that existed fro the sole purpose of showing movies. It shows a lot of different movies every week, I would like to see their archives. The grandiose theaters of the past sought to entertain before even seeing the film, they lacked the substance. The films of the era were able to enchant people merely with moving people and corny love story now thy have to work for it.
I like movies about how movies used to be. I like the idea that you did not need to do too much with the film to capture an audience. There is something so beautiful about grinding some down with aesthetic cliches. But not diving beyond the service of a film grows boring quickly. It becomes predictable and eventually hilarious. Something like Indi 4 uses the every idea of a cliche to poke fun at itself. Yet, these cliches once meant something. Also with the proliferation of tv the formulas that used to work, well became formulas. Once you are bale to quantify something it losses its charm. It is understandable and predictable. That is not to say that something that has these qualities is not charming in a different way. 300 for example used every trick in the book to work its way into the hearts of thousands and it was very successful in its endeavor because it was exactly what you were expecting.
Yet, when art becomes formalized it fails to force you to revaluate your perspective of the world, which at least in my humble opinion is the only benefit of art (there are also some societal benefits to art but that is a different matter). Without art making us realize more it becomes merely entertainment. Yet, sometimes it is not the art that changes us it is the place we see it or other such auxiliaries. Theaters were once art and now they have become soulless places. The theater I went to wasn't soulless, the ghost is still in the machine.
Enough absinthe can crush your spirit to the bone
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Reflecting and Reminiscing
It seems appropriate to reflect back on my time traveling now that I've had a little distance from it. I must admit that I don't like that I am back if I could just travel from place to place like I did I don't think I would. it would also make me a much more social person.
Here is the list of where I went, roughly, this break:
London
Barcelona
Granada
Malaga
Cordoba
Seville
Madrid
Barcelona
Zurich
Vienna
Baden
Salzburg
Zurich
Paris
Amsterdam
Munich
Salzburg
Geneva
Zurich
Vienna
Venice
Florence
Rome
My favorite city was perhaps Barcelona but I look most forward to returning to Rome. I began at some point, rather early on, to judge cities by the ones I would most like to live in. I thought to my self that I should by a house here and right a book, or this is a good place to grow old, or that I would like to live here and have a job here. Each city had a different personality, one I felt you could grasp rather quickly. There was a certain vibe that did not really delve into the city's soul but there was something there that you felt was unique to that city after only spending a few hours there.
Traveling like I did was very freeing, but I see how it would rather quickly lose its charm. There was a certain sense that once I entered a new lace it wasn't as special as it would have been had I not have been traveling through so much. The constant barrage of stimuli cause reduced sensitivity and all that fun stuff.
Yet, what I found most attractive was the idea that I wouldn't be spending any more than two days in any one place and I had to see what was worth seeing. I was forcing myself to do stuff because I was there and it seemed a waste if I didn't do certain stuff. At the same time I didn't feel like a tourist that had a bucket list. I spent plenty of time in coffee shops reading the Herald Tribune. Everything was exiting and new with a sense of urgency and a sense of purpose. Perhaps that was the most important part of it all that I had a sense of purpose that was rather defined. I tend to avoid having that in my life, goals purposes. Perhaps I should start is seems a useful psychological tool, but at the same time I don't want to feel as if I'm leading myself around in neat little circles.
This is the third go at this, and it seems best to finally end this blog entry. Essentially travel is nice. Having a place to go to is nice. Life should be a mixture of new experiences and the the comfort of old. When new experiences are comforting you are done for.
Here is the list of where I went, roughly, this break:
London
Barcelona
Granada
Malaga
Cordoba
Seville
Madrid
Barcelona
Zurich
Vienna
Baden
Salzburg
Zurich
Paris
Amsterdam
Munich
Salzburg
Geneva
Zurich
Vienna
Venice
Florence
Rome
My favorite city was perhaps Barcelona but I look most forward to returning to Rome. I began at some point, rather early on, to judge cities by the ones I would most like to live in. I thought to my self that I should by a house here and right a book, or this is a good place to grow old, or that I would like to live here and have a job here. Each city had a different personality, one I felt you could grasp rather quickly. There was a certain vibe that did not really delve into the city's soul but there was something there that you felt was unique to that city after only spending a few hours there.
Traveling like I did was very freeing, but I see how it would rather quickly lose its charm. There was a certain sense that once I entered a new lace it wasn't as special as it would have been had I not have been traveling through so much. The constant barrage of stimuli cause reduced sensitivity and all that fun stuff.
Yet, what I found most attractive was the idea that I wouldn't be spending any more than two days in any one place and I had to see what was worth seeing. I was forcing myself to do stuff because I was there and it seemed a waste if I didn't do certain stuff. At the same time I didn't feel like a tourist that had a bucket list. I spent plenty of time in coffee shops reading the Herald Tribune. Everything was exiting and new with a sense of urgency and a sense of purpose. Perhaps that was the most important part of it all that I had a sense of purpose that was rather defined. I tend to avoid having that in my life, goals purposes. Perhaps I should start is seems a useful psychological tool, but at the same time I don't want to feel as if I'm leading myself around in neat little circles.
This is the third go at this, and it seems best to finally end this blog entry. Essentially travel is nice. Having a place to go to is nice. Life should be a mixture of new experiences and the the comfort of old. When new experiences are comforting you are done for.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Venice
I love Venice i really do its the second time I've been here and if it hadn't been for my train ticket ending tomorrow I would have spent more time here just to walk around. Every where you turn there is something absolutely amazing. I didn't realize before how much Muslim influence there is here.
Anyway as exited I am to stay here I'm ready to head back and start studying again. I feel like I've neglected my studies. I also have come to the conclusion that I need to work on my writing more.
I didn't bring my ipod or laptop on this trip so I've been feeling a little deprived. I've started thinking of what I'm going to to when I get back to Oxford. I have a meeting with my tutor at 1 after that I'm going to buy some kielbasi and sauerkraut and a nice big bottle of Leffe the one that looks like a champagne. I'm going to eat that while listing to Rachmaninoff and than I'm going to play some pool and have some absinthe. And maybe go to Bridge maybe...
Anyway as exited I am to stay here I'm ready to head back and start studying again. I feel like I've neglected my studies. I also have come to the conclusion that I need to work on my writing more.
I didn't bring my ipod or laptop on this trip so I've been feeling a little deprived. I've started thinking of what I'm going to to when I get back to Oxford. I have a meeting with my tutor at 1 after that I'm going to buy some kielbasi and sauerkraut and a nice big bottle of Leffe the one that looks like a champagne. I'm going to eat that while listing to Rachmaninoff and than I'm going to play some pool and have some absinthe. And maybe go to Bridge maybe...
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Salzburg... again
showers and clean underware are definitly over-rated
also any time you are in a place and its six a clock and nothing is open you know you are in austruia
i´m looking foward to my second mc clean
i am taking the same train for the same time, and its a horrible train... but hopefully not as bad as the stuggart-paris train
i miss billiards
also any time you are in a place and its six a clock and nothing is open you know you are in austruia
i´m looking foward to my second mc clean
i am taking the same train for the same time, and its a horrible train... but hopefully not as bad as the stuggart-paris train
i miss billiards
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
stuff
i don't belive in sudden changes, even seemingly sudden changes are prompted by a lot of background, nothing is ever trully spontateouse and anything that is slowely readjusts, this is arguably absurdly broad but i am trying to apply it to different parts of life, it applies to civilzations, cultures, and of course personal life, perhaps the most famous formulation of this idea is Aristotle's Golden Mean, the idea of everything in moderation, this idea existed in many different forms in many different views of life, the stoics to which i feel most of a kindred, belived in an inner sense of moderadiot as opposed to our actions, we can do whatever we want as long as we are able to undergo internal calm or whatever the or whatever the word they used was, i agree that as long as we have an internal calm we can do whatever the hell we want if it gets us off heel it is wrong, if we feel alieanted from ourself it is wrong, mental illness is not wrong because society does not accept the behaviors of the ill but it is when they are not at peace with themselves
there is that quote in my profile from hesse which was meant to describe people later in life but i feel it applies to me as well, as do many angsty teens, no matter how much you learn you change the scenery there is the internal facet that ahs to be dealt with differently and none of that stuff matters as long as the internal stuff is in order (stoics), i had a friend that moed to settle for a year because he was in a rut but it wasn't until he found his fiance, in upstate ny where he was originally living, did he come out of that rut, its not a matter of where you move what you see or what you learn that will bring peace real peace to yourself, but its how you approach those things, how you take care of the internal world, and in turn that will color everything external
i like to travel alone because other people slow me down and i have to put what i want second, but perhaps i am wrong in dismissing people so quickly, thing only seem real when you tell them to someone else so that they have some existence outside of yourself, this is the type of bullshit that i laugh when i read because it is bullshit, its not something you write about but simply something you come to realize, perphase because i am feeling a bit pretentious its like a zen saying that you don't get until you do
there is that quote in my profile from hesse which was meant to describe people later in life but i feel it applies to me as well, as do many angsty teens, no matter how much you learn you change the scenery there is the internal facet that ahs to be dealt with differently and none of that stuff matters as long as the internal stuff is in order (stoics), i had a friend that moed to settle for a year because he was in a rut but it wasn't until he found his fiance, in upstate ny where he was originally living, did he come out of that rut, its not a matter of where you move what you see or what you learn that will bring peace real peace to yourself, but its how you approach those things, how you take care of the internal world, and in turn that will color everything external
i like to travel alone because other people slow me down and i have to put what i want second, but perhaps i am wrong in dismissing people so quickly, thing only seem real when you tell them to someone else so that they have some existence outside of yourself, this is the type of bullshit that i laugh when i read because it is bullshit, its not something you write about but simply something you come to realize, perphase because i am feeling a bit pretentious its like a zen saying that you don't get until you do
Paris
Paris is nice it is and i think will always be one of my favorite cities. I like the buildings, the shit, the people not as much. I didn't get to see as much of the city as I would have liked, for some reason I was very tired, and that is in no way a dig.
Bought another Marquz book which is nice but will offer a distraction from Kant. Its a very interesting book because it heardly has any breaks sentences go on for pages and there are no paragraph; chapters offer the only reprive.
The train ride was less than steller out of Paris, but nowhere near as bad as the one going in. Going in it was a small crowed train full of drunk revelers* not what I needed at 2 in the morning on 6 hours of sleep. I originally planned to travel everywhere like that but i doubt I can do it for more than a few days. Now I'm in Amsterdam for tree days, we'll see how that ends.
Bought another Marquz book which is nice but will offer a distraction from Kant. Its a very interesting book because it heardly has any breaks sentences go on for pages and there are no paragraph; chapters offer the only reprive.
The train ride was less than steller out of Paris, but nowhere near as bad as the one going in. Going in it was a small crowed train full of drunk revelers* not what I needed at 2 in the morning on 6 hours of sleep. I originally planned to travel everywhere like that but i doubt I can do it for more than a few days. Now I'm in Amsterdam for tree days, we'll see how that ends.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Salzburg
I am sitting in an internet cafe with nothing better to do. I am sure I have a lot to write but I can´t think of any of it. I left Vienna today and spent the day here and in about three hours I am headed to Zurich and sometime tomorrow I think i am headed to Paris. After that the northern countries and I´m headed to Italy may also go to southern France and Switzerland again but idk.
I went through Zurich on my way to Vienna from Madrid... 24 hours of traveling but I started a blog about that might post it when I finish. I have a friend that updates his blog everyday, but than again its more of a politcal/social thing.. I´m waiting for him to run out of things to say but it hasn´t happened as of yet.
Salzburg was a bit of a disapointment even though the Alps are amazing. That was the best part of the city. Those with money to burn would have definitely appriciated the old town center, lots of boutique shopes.
I have little over 800€ for the rest of my trip, which should prove interesting esecially since my biggest expanse, sleeping probaly doesn´t take credit cards.
I have another 21 minuts to write, or I could tell two of my teachers why I don´t like the way I was taught any more... I think I´ll do that:
I went through Zurich on my way to Vienna from Madrid... 24 hours of traveling but I started a blog about that might post it when I finish. I have a friend that updates his blog everyday, but than again its more of a politcal/social thing.. I´m waiting for him to run out of things to say but it hasn´t happened as of yet.
Salzburg was a bit of a disapointment even though the Alps are amazing. That was the best part of the city. Those with money to burn would have definitely appriciated the old town center, lots of boutique shopes.
I have little over 800€ for the rest of my trip, which should prove interesting esecially since my biggest expanse, sleeping probaly doesn´t take credit cards.
I have another 21 minuts to write, or I could tell two of my teachers why I don´t like the way I was taught any more... I think I´ll do that:
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Madrid-train-Vienna
Back in Vienna, stange but this place feels like home as well. Even though between my cousins and my grandmotehr I may loose my mind.
My mother and I took a 6 hour bus trip to Madrid from Seville which was capped by a 3 hour search for the hotel she booked which was next to the airport but not on the metro line with the airport. It was in a residential area of Madrid, actually a very nice area. But it was strange to see a hotel in a resedential area. It was a nice hotel, very modern, very chic. It was monochrone and minimalistic with shaggy carpets and a glass shower. It had a picture of Mich´s David by the beds. A touch pretentious for the area. I wonder who would go there.. there were some women that looked like they werte there on work and a couple that seemed above it all.
We went to the Prado because that is, in my opinion at least, the only thing worth doing in Madrid. I don´t mean to make a disparanging remark om something I know very little of but it wasnt my favorite city. I wasn´t very impressed with it. After seeing as much art as I have and knowing as little about it as I do seeing another masterpiece is like having another glass of water. Even though I like Goya... but than again I would.
My mom´s flight was at 6 so we rushed through the museum
My mother and I took a 6 hour bus trip to Madrid from Seville which was capped by a 3 hour search for the hotel she booked which was next to the airport but not on the metro line with the airport. It was in a residential area of Madrid, actually a very nice area. But it was strange to see a hotel in a resedential area. It was a nice hotel, very modern, very chic. It was monochrone and minimalistic with shaggy carpets and a glass shower. It had a picture of Mich´s David by the beds. A touch pretentious for the area. I wonder who would go there.. there were some women that looked like they werte there on work and a couple that seemed above it all.
We went to the Prado because that is, in my opinion at least, the only thing worth doing in Madrid. I don´t mean to make a disparanging remark om something I know very little of but it wasnt my favorite city. I wasn´t very impressed with it. After seeing as much art as I have and knowing as little about it as I do seeing another masterpiece is like having another glass of water. Even though I like Goya... but than again I would.
My mom´s flight was at 6 so we rushed through the museum
Sunday, March 23, 2008
sevilla
apperently there is nothing going on on easter sunday
my mom is leaving on wensday and i´m leaving thrusday night, after spending the night with a friend, for vienna maybe stop in southern france or switzerland
i have to buy sume stuff for my aunt and uncle in vienna, my uncle just became a doctor, my grandmother is also there with the, rent money/the money i will use in my travels, from our apartment in romania and off to amsterdam followed by i think paris
my mom is leaving on wensday and i´m leaving thrusday night, after spending the night with a friend, for vienna maybe stop in southern france or switzerland
i have to buy sume stuff for my aunt and uncle in vienna, my uncle just became a doctor, my grandmother is also there with the, rent money/the money i will use in my travels, from our apartment in romania and off to amsterdam followed by i think paris
Saturday, March 22, 2008
cordoba
So now I am in cordoba, in a rather pricy internet cafe, so i´ll offer only the highlights. From Barcalona we flew to Granada but we almost did not make it. My mom organized my whole trip and so she made all the bookings and what not. So we had a plane for 6 from Barca to Granada. We went to see Park Guell and the muisic museum. We went the the airport and were there at around 5. We were looking at the big board trying to find our flight and only after asking the information guy did we realize that what my mother thought was 6 was actually 6 and not 18. The plane had gone almost 12 hours before. We wanted to buy plane tickets for the day after but there was another flight that had been delayed for a couple hours. Waiting in line a guy from ryanair hear my mother talking romanian and decided to get us on that plane since he was Romanian. After about half an hour of back and forth we were finally through inspection.
We arrived in Granada in the middle of the Easter Parade there. Our hotel was right in the middle of the procession, on a hill. So we had to fight our way to get there. The day after my mother since childbirth had this desire to see Alhambra, the Moorsih court in the last Muslim stronghold on the iberian peninsula. So we cauually strolled up a mountain at noon hoping to get tickets. Despite the dire warnings of the voice from above in the ticket office we thought we were going to get tickets. We were in the credit card line and when were ready to pay for the tickets we realized we did not have a pin for any of our credit cards. So we went to the cash only line who´s tickets ran out before we could buy them.
We haded into town to walk around an look and the excessive amounts of Indian imports. By and by we realized that we would need more cash so we headed to a bank. All the banks in town were closed, actually all the banks are closed until Monday. So we had 50 euros cash a hotel cash only bill of 80 euros and no banks. I did not wnat to use my credit card so finally on the second day were were open to find an exchange house that gave us the very reasonable rate of 1.47...
The second day we finally made it to Alhambra albeit in the rain and waiting in line for another 2 hours at 7 in the morning. I must admit is was very worth it.
We next traveled to the rather sad city of Malaga and dipped our feet in the Mediterenian Sea.
Now we are in Corboba and headed for Saville tomorrow, Easter. Apperantly that is the place to be on Easter, after Rome of course.
I´ll write more when I have time and clean this up eventually, perhaps.
We arrived in Granada in the middle of the Easter Parade there. Our hotel was right in the middle of the procession, on a hill. So we had to fight our way to get there. The day after my mother since childbirth had this desire to see Alhambra, the Moorsih court in the last Muslim stronghold on the iberian peninsula. So we cauually strolled up a mountain at noon hoping to get tickets. Despite the dire warnings of the voice from above in the ticket office we thought we were going to get tickets. We were in the credit card line and when were ready to pay for the tickets we realized we did not have a pin for any of our credit cards. So we went to the cash only line who´s tickets ran out before we could buy them.
We haded into town to walk around an look and the excessive amounts of Indian imports. By and by we realized that we would need more cash so we headed to a bank. All the banks in town were closed, actually all the banks are closed until Monday. So we had 50 euros cash a hotel cash only bill of 80 euros and no banks. I did not wnat to use my credit card so finally on the second day were were open to find an exchange house that gave us the very reasonable rate of 1.47...
The second day we finally made it to Alhambra albeit in the rain and waiting in line for another 2 hours at 7 in the morning. I must admit is was very worth it.
We next traveled to the rather sad city of Malaga and dipped our feet in the Mediterenian Sea.
Now we are in Corboba and headed for Saville tomorrow, Easter. Apperantly that is the place to be on Easter, after Rome of course.
I´ll write more when I have time and clean this up eventually, perhaps.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
i hate tourists
almost as much as i will miss spell check by the end of this blog
i am in spain right now, in barcalona, in a hotel on their computer with my mom, i´m leaving for granada
the time on the computer is flying by and i´ve done the usual things and i´ve come to the realization, again, just how much time ui waste on the computer while at school
my mom on the other hand has come to the realization that the dollar no longer has the same repute it once did, and everything in soain is double than it is in the states
i hate tourists i absolutly cannot stand them, i hate being one, when i was in vienna i hate romanian tourists, now americans with their sneakers and ray bans and ugh, idk know why i bear them such contempt but it some how seems fitting
i have always loved the metro and i use it to guide me around the city, i hate having a map and thank god that i have a decen sense of direction otherwise i would not know where i am going
i love walking around the streets to see what people have on their balconies
i on the other hand hate going to the touristt destinations and looking at art, i like art but once in its in a museum its so stale that its not worth visiting, museums are mosuleums* for art
what else, they do have a nice fountain here which is a tourist destination to no end
it is a very beutiful city, it is defintly like the kind of place which iw ould like to live in when i am finally done with this whole education thing
i´ve made it through the first two esseys in my kant book... a whole 20 pages yes...
i am in spain right now, in barcalona, in a hotel on their computer with my mom, i´m leaving for granada
the time on the computer is flying by and i´ve done the usual things and i´ve come to the realization, again, just how much time ui waste on the computer while at school
my mom on the other hand has come to the realization that the dollar no longer has the same repute it once did, and everything in soain is double than it is in the states
i hate tourists i absolutly cannot stand them, i hate being one, when i was in vienna i hate romanian tourists, now americans with their sneakers and ray bans and ugh, idk know why i bear them such contempt but it some how seems fitting
i have always loved the metro and i use it to guide me around the city, i hate having a map and thank god that i have a decen sense of direction otherwise i would not know where i am going
i love walking around the streets to see what people have on their balconies
i on the other hand hate going to the touristt destinations and looking at art, i like art but once in its in a museum its so stale that its not worth visiting, museums are mosuleums* for art
what else, they do have a nice fountain here which is a tourist destination to no end
it is a very beutiful city, it is defintly like the kind of place which iw ould like to live in when i am finally done with this whole education thing
i´ve made it through the first two esseys in my kant book... a whole 20 pages yes...
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Been A While
Haven't updated this thing in a while, haven't had much to write.
I'm packing today and tomorrow I'm leaving for London with my mom. We are going to Spain until the 29th and after that I take off on myself. Tentatively Vienna, Amsterdam, Paris, Poland, Athens, Rome.
Maybe I'll write some more when I become bored of myself. All I'm bringing with me are some of Kant's writings his "practical philosophy." We shall see.
I'm packing today and tomorrow I'm leaving for London with my mom. We are going to Spain until the 29th and after that I take off on myself. Tentatively Vienna, Amsterdam, Paris, Poland, Athens, Rome.
Maybe I'll write some more when I become bored of myself. All I'm bringing with me are some of Kant's writings his "practical philosophy." We shall see.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Churches and Libraries
When I was younger my family used to clean the church we attended. It was an eccentric looking church, it looked like a elongated Hershey Kiss. As my parents used to wash the bathrooms, mop the kitchen, vacuum the alter, my sister and I would play games amongst the pews. It was an Orthodox Church so it still had the alter which separated the priest from the congregation, like pre-Vat II Catholic Churches. When it was full there was a sense of awe. But because I was so familiar with it it lacked that sense of awe. That pew over there, yeah, that's where my sister hid last Thursday. But the alter still preserved its mystery, it was strange to see my mother go behind it, women aren't allowed behind it. I would not go behind it, well only on the rare occasions I was an alter boy. The church was small, it fit about 70 people more on Easter. The choir was my favorite part it had that sense of mystery the alter contained, but it was more accessible. All the music stands made it a place of mystery, I can remember going up there a couple of times and singing. I remember the church better than any of the houses we lived in during that period, there weren't many three. Funny really, I think I miss that church. I went back when I was home but it was locked. I didn't bother coming back for mass, I wasn't there for that, just for the church. I once slept in the church with a teen christian group, and I can remember the adult leader, Andy if I remember correctly, telling us that we should become aquatinted with the church that we should see it as the house of god and we should be comfortable there. I was already very comfortable with it. Of all the things I did in that church, I can never remember yelling. I am sure I did yell so as to be heard over the sound of the vacuum cleaner. The vacuum cleaner was this old thing that was just one big pipe and you plugged it into holes in the floor. Despite my familiarity with the church it still demanded an air of respect. Now when I walk into churches I have the same respect, you never yell in a church. There is simply something about it that lends itself to contemplation no matter how commercial the church. At school they would take us to this church twice a year to sit and go to confession if we so desired. It was a Catholic church, ugly plain looking thing, damn you Zwingle. It wasn't able to inspire the same respect. I understand that a church is not a building, and that we, or rather Protestant Christians should not be tied to material things, but once you strip religion down to its pietistical core, you strip religion of what makes it beautiful, and all you have left is the bullshit mysticism. There is a lot of beauty in the tradition of the Orthodox and Catholic faith, its a shame that it is so nutty.
As I was exiting the library tonight I realized that even though only the librarian and I were left I whispered goodnight. Libraries inspire the same awe especially the older libraries. The modern looking libraries lack the same umph especially when they look like they were build by FLW. It would be nice if libraries eventually replaced churches as places of worship, where people would have to go one day a week and read something or their souls would burn in hell. It probably wouldn't work it would end up being one giant reading group examining the depth's of the latest Brownesque book. People have a way of ruining things, making them familiar, removing the mystery.
As I was exiting the library tonight I realized that even though only the librarian and I were left I whispered goodnight. Libraries inspire the same awe especially the older libraries. The modern looking libraries lack the same umph especially when they look like they were build by FLW. It would be nice if libraries eventually replaced churches as places of worship, where people would have to go one day a week and read something or their souls would burn in hell. It probably wouldn't work it would end up being one giant reading group examining the depth's of the latest Brownesque book. People have a way of ruining things, making them familiar, removing the mystery.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Clubbing
So I had three cigarets today, with the one I had that one time and the pack I had for New Year's that makes 24 since I quit, actually in all fairness 23 because I didn't finish that pack. As Tom Waits says in Cigarets and Coffee, the great thing about quitting smoking is that you can have one every now and than and not be a smoker. There is something about rainy nights in Oxford that simply demands one or three cigs. And stumbling back from a club early looks very ungracefully without a well positioned cig, and as the last thing in the world I would want to appear ungraceful.
Tonight was the first time I went to a club. I thought hey why not live a little want' the worst that could happen. I generally tend to avoid clubs, they contain two things I tend to avoid people and bad music played loudly. All the pubs in Oxford close by 12 and there is nothing to do for the overworked students but to express that stress through dance and drink. Escape, the aptly named club, is in the covered market. The covered market usually houses produce and at night provides a home for the "big issue" vendors. The club had two floors one dance floor and of course the necessary pole. The very white female dj choose only the best of songs, not that you could hear anything more than the melody, the rest of the song was comprised of rhythmic beats. After spending too much on drinks these soon to be overworked kids started getting in touch with their more primal nature and started moving rather awkwardly. It seems fitting that they express themselves so awkwardly because the a whole situation is rather awkward and lacks focus. The tango can be considered a dance because its message is very clear. Kids doing their own thing, not so much. It was hilarious but who am I to judge? All in all going to a club isn't quite as bad as I thought it would be.
Tonight was the first time I went to a club. I thought hey why not live a little want' the worst that could happen. I generally tend to avoid clubs, they contain two things I tend to avoid people and bad music played loudly. All the pubs in Oxford close by 12 and there is nothing to do for the overworked students but to express that stress through dance and drink. Escape, the aptly named club, is in the covered market. The covered market usually houses produce and at night provides a home for the "big issue" vendors. The club had two floors one dance floor and of course the necessary pole. The very white female dj choose only the best of songs, not that you could hear anything more than the melody, the rest of the song was comprised of rhythmic beats. After spending too much on drinks these soon to be overworked kids started getting in touch with their more primal nature and started moving rather awkwardly. It seems fitting that they express themselves so awkwardly because the a whole situation is rather awkward and lacks focus. The tango can be considered a dance because its message is very clear. Kids doing their own thing, not so much. It was hilarious but who am I to judge? All in all going to a club isn't quite as bad as I thought it would be.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Back Home
Is it strange that England and Oxford now feel like home?
There are so many more Americans here this term, they are easy to spot because they are in large groups waiting inconspicuously at bus stops. The frat colors also gives them away.
Something I found on the internet last night that I thought was interesting, well me and a million other people.
There are so many more Americans here this term, they are easy to spot because they are in large groups waiting inconspicuously at bus stops. The frat colors also gives them away.
Something I found on the internet last night that I thought was interesting, well me and a million other people.
Friday, January 4, 2008
My Grandfather
My grandfather died 13 years ago yesterday. The more time passes the more I regret not getting to know him. He was the first in my more immediate family to die, so I guess the blow came a little harder but its been a while, but than again I never really knew him.
I visited his grave when I was in Romania. He was buried on a hillside. I wasn't sure exactly where he was buried, but I bought some orange flowers and walked to the grave. I realized that that was my first time ever having visited a grave. What flowers are appropriate? Orange? somehow they seemed strangely appropriate. I walked in the snow amongst the graves for an hour. Somebody there helped me look but he didn't find it either. As I was almost ready to give up on the last climb down I stumbled across it. I cleaned it off a bit though took the ld flowers to through out. I didn't have any candles or anything else. There where some bottles of water, I don't know why they were there. I don't really understand why people have graves It most certainly isn't for the living. Perhaps when they are alive they feel comforted by thought thought that their memory will be reduced to a gaudy monument in a century. My grandfather didn't want to be buried, to be eaten by worms. The things that sustain your memory are the little thing that reverberate through the rest of time. If you leave this world a better or a worse place in the end it only matters to you when you go to sleep and die.
I was taken to a friend's house the night my grandfather died. It was one of the few nights of my childhood that I remember. Strangely enough the only thing about that night I do not remember his him.
As people go my grandfather was a great one. If there was any person in my family worth looking up to he is undoubtedly the one. I am not sure how much I know him is fact and how much is fiction, but the one thing I remember him a little. He was a calm, classy, and always seemed confident in himself, even through the months of chemo.
I visited his grave when I was in Romania. He was buried on a hillside. I wasn't sure exactly where he was buried, but I bought some orange flowers and walked to the grave. I realized that that was my first time ever having visited a grave. What flowers are appropriate? Orange? somehow they seemed strangely appropriate. I walked in the snow amongst the graves for an hour. Somebody there helped me look but he didn't find it either. As I was almost ready to give up on the last climb down I stumbled across it. I cleaned it off a bit though took the ld flowers to through out. I didn't have any candles or anything else. There where some bottles of water, I don't know why they were there. I don't really understand why people have graves It most certainly isn't for the living. Perhaps when they are alive they feel comforted by thought thought that their memory will be reduced to a gaudy monument in a century. My grandfather didn't want to be buried, to be eaten by worms. The things that sustain your memory are the little thing that reverberate through the rest of time. If you leave this world a better or a worse place in the end it only matters to you when you go to sleep and die.
I was taken to a friend's house the night my grandfather died. It was one of the few nights of my childhood that I remember. Strangely enough the only thing about that night I do not remember his him.
As people go my grandfather was a great one. If there was any person in my family worth looking up to he is undoubtedly the one. I am not sure how much I know him is fact and how much is fiction, but the one thing I remember him a little. He was a calm, classy, and always seemed confident in himself, even through the months of chemo.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
La Multi Ani
And all that stuff.
One of my friends from Oxford, a Russian Jew living in Boston, came to Vienna on the 30th. we than took a train on to Budapest on the 31st. Got there around noon and walked around a bit trying to find an exchange place. Budapest is a pretty town and the snow made it prettier but I quickly realized that walking with a hole in my shoe is not the best of ideas.
Budapest was at one time two different cities Buda and Pest, they are separated by the Danube. The train station was in Pest and we walked to Buda, there was monument to the WWII dead on a hill and we climbed to that. I didn't much care for it. But my friend liked it at least in comparison with what he saw in Berlin. In Berlin there are almost no reference to the Holocaust besides the Jewish Museum. All the references to WWII are made to the resistance. He did not like that very much, can't see why. It seems that the winners aren't the only ones that write history.
We walked along the castle that is there in Buda a bit modern, wonderfully ornate but idk seems like such a waste. It was similar the the palace in Bratislava but much much bigger, the Hapsburgs knew what they liked. Went into cafe to warm up and ran into some American tourists, and some Romanian tourists. I have taken a great dislike to tourists and all touristy stuff. I have never liked tourists an have never aspired to be one. I hate the idea f going to a place to see the things there are to see and think you have come to know the place, but at the same time it seems like something you should do. I am considering buying a eurorail pass and going from place to place, but why do that besides to say that I have been there. I don't like that. See a place just to see it. It might be more interesting to get to know the people, but that is too hard if you do not already know someone there. As someone said after a certain point different cities become merely different architecture, at least for tourists.
My friend was telling me about the good experiences he had with couchsurfing. He went to the arctic circle and there in a small town he found a girl that let him stay. She worked in an ice hotel and while he was there the Noble Delegates came to visit (including the inimitable Al Gore). He is going to spain and he is planing to the same. I doubt I could do the same. Don't trust people enough.
After the castle we headed to Pest. We came across this square which was lit up with different colors in a mosaic patten. The ground and two of the buildings were full of light and there were fires burning. By this point there was probably more water in my shoes than shoe. I really like this sort of "graffiti" NYU has started teaching a class on how to make that kind of art. It is an interesting way to be able to crete nonintrusive urban art. There is something utterly enjoyable about breating new life into old places.
After that I had to call my mom which is always an experience I can do without.
We alternated between two stages for most of the test of the night. There were fireworks and cheap champagne on every street. We ate kebabs before we started "partying." the second of the two places was organized by radio danube. The first time we were there they had this pop singer that made up for her voice by being attractive. So we stayed there for a bit. We walked down to what must have been the principle ceremonial boulevard. We walked down it talking about life and love until we came to this open plaza between two museums. There were several people at each end of this square lighting fireworks, not the ones that sparkle but the ones that shoot up in the air and are seen from quite a distance. Occasionally one would misfire and shoot out towards the museums. There was a large plastic tent that had become a makeshift club next to the square, we avoided it because it seemed to lack any character and well, you couldn't see outside.
We headed back towards the original stage, but losing our way. We got there with 5 minutes to spare, having bought a small champagne beforehand we thought we had done our duty to father time, only to realize that it was a screw top. We quickly found three euros and brought a proper bottle. As the clock struck twelve were in in this middle of this hugh crowd soaking everyone with champaign and listing to this guy with a viking hat onstage counting down and signing some incomprehensible song. After the crowd had dissipated a little bit we headed towards the other stage.
We were able to catch the last act and only a few songs as that. We danced drunkly bumping into people as if in a desire to create some form of solidarity. A couple joined us in our merriment. The man had a tendency to kick his wife's ass and seemed like an angry drown, so we avoided that situation. We ran into some pseudo-Russian with a bottle of vodka that was more than happy to further our demise but was a little to clingy and a little to confused to justify our extended attention. We danced away like leprechauns through a train station desperately in need of a place to relive ourselves.
At some point during the night we had decided to go to a strip-joint to warm ourselves after the night spiraled downward. We jumped on a trolly which was heading in what I thought was the "red light district." Much to our chagrin it was not. We took the trolly in the other direction. I was so tired/drunk that I dozed off and lost sight of my friend. I got off to find him only to realize my cell phone had no more credit. After some mindless walking and a successful trip to a urine stanched Subway I realized I could use a pay-phone. I made use of this dying commodity successfully and we were shortly thereafter reunited.
To our luck we were able to stumble a cross what we at the time thought was a strip club. We were seated next two two poles on a circular couch, and given menus. Some elderly girl got up to dance in a red dress and black high heels. She worked her way around the pole lifting up her dress just enough to titillate us but it hardly conformed to our preconceived notions of a strip club. We ordered Jacks, they came warm which worked well on our cold tired bodies. Two girls came to sit next to us, I had the more attractive one. She was wearing nothing but lingerie and disgustingly high heels. She asked me if I liked Hungary and what I did, what hotel I was staying in... twice. She had make up on her eyes but the rest of her face was rather bland. She kept moving her feet and playing with her hands. At one point she said that if I bought her a drink she would dance in my lap and for a fee we could go in the room and "you can touch the girl." I told her maybe later. I asked if she would be dancing. After a while I told her that I'm probably not wiling to spend any more cash, so she left seemingly relived. She started to dance after the next song.
After a while another couple of girls came to it and chat but we were both so sick of the place and so tired that we payed them little mind. In many ways I think the experience changed me. i never before that night realized what it truly meant to objectify a person. There I was, in my drunken state, slouching on this couch looking at some almost middle age woman move around a pole in could hardly be called seductive. But I was sitting there mentally undressing, well some of them anyway, looking at the bits of flesh their movements exposed, wondering hopping they would proceed further down this erotic path. I reduced these women to nothing but the object of my sexual inadequacies and it was not an unenjoyable experience. There was nothing truly sensual about the experience but m ability as a spectator to make it thus. Those women were there bored probably wondering how their kid was doing at home all alone on New Years, and here I was reducing them merely to flesh. I have never ben able to look at a woman like that before that night, either out of timidity or out of a concern for social customs, certainly for a lack of desire.
When you reduce a person like that you yourself feel less human. By devaluing other people you yourself lose in value.
As the night wore on and we warmed up we decided it was time to leave so we got the check only to realize that it exceeded a the amount of money we had. We put together all our money including a dirty 20 from my friend's sock and we were still short. After a while were to be quite honest neither of us was really worried, at least I wasn't. I felt a little numb. We were finally stood up taken to a back room, made to empty our pockets and sent on our way. We left the club at around six and made our way to the train station with out any money in our pockets, in just enough time to catch the first train to Vienna.
One of my friends from Oxford, a Russian Jew living in Boston, came to Vienna on the 30th. we than took a train on to Budapest on the 31st. Got there around noon and walked around a bit trying to find an exchange place. Budapest is a pretty town and the snow made it prettier but I quickly realized that walking with a hole in my shoe is not the best of ideas.
Budapest was at one time two different cities Buda and Pest, they are separated by the Danube. The train station was in Pest and we walked to Buda, there was monument to the WWII dead on a hill and we climbed to that. I didn't much care for it. But my friend liked it at least in comparison with what he saw in Berlin. In Berlin there are almost no reference to the Holocaust besides the Jewish Museum. All the references to WWII are made to the resistance. He did not like that very much, can't see why. It seems that the winners aren't the only ones that write history.
We walked along the castle that is there in Buda a bit modern, wonderfully ornate but idk seems like such a waste. It was similar the the palace in Bratislava but much much bigger, the Hapsburgs knew what they liked. Went into cafe to warm up and ran into some American tourists, and some Romanian tourists. I have taken a great dislike to tourists and all touristy stuff. I have never liked tourists an have never aspired to be one. I hate the idea f going to a place to see the things there are to see and think you have come to know the place, but at the same time it seems like something you should do. I am considering buying a eurorail pass and going from place to place, but why do that besides to say that I have been there. I don't like that. See a place just to see it. It might be more interesting to get to know the people, but that is too hard if you do not already know someone there. As someone said after a certain point different cities become merely different architecture, at least for tourists.
My friend was telling me about the good experiences he had with couchsurfing. He went to the arctic circle and there in a small town he found a girl that let him stay. She worked in an ice hotel and while he was there the Noble Delegates came to visit (including the inimitable Al Gore). He is going to spain and he is planing to the same. I doubt I could do the same. Don't trust people enough.
After the castle we headed to Pest. We came across this square which was lit up with different colors in a mosaic patten. The ground and two of the buildings were full of light and there were fires burning. By this point there was probably more water in my shoes than shoe. I really like this sort of "graffiti" NYU has started teaching a class on how to make that kind of art. It is an interesting way to be able to crete nonintrusive urban art. There is something utterly enjoyable about breating new life into old places.
After that I had to call my mom which is always an experience I can do without.
We alternated between two stages for most of the test of the night. There were fireworks and cheap champagne on every street. We ate kebabs before we started "partying." the second of the two places was organized by radio danube. The first time we were there they had this pop singer that made up for her voice by being attractive. So we stayed there for a bit. We walked down to what must have been the principle ceremonial boulevard. We walked down it talking about life and love until we came to this open plaza between two museums. There were several people at each end of this square lighting fireworks, not the ones that sparkle but the ones that shoot up in the air and are seen from quite a distance. Occasionally one would misfire and shoot out towards the museums. There was a large plastic tent that had become a makeshift club next to the square, we avoided it because it seemed to lack any character and well, you couldn't see outside.
We headed back towards the original stage, but losing our way. We got there with 5 minutes to spare, having bought a small champagne beforehand we thought we had done our duty to father time, only to realize that it was a screw top. We quickly found three euros and brought a proper bottle. As the clock struck twelve were in in this middle of this hugh crowd soaking everyone with champaign and listing to this guy with a viking hat onstage counting down and signing some incomprehensible song. After the crowd had dissipated a little bit we headed towards the other stage.
We were able to catch the last act and only a few songs as that. We danced drunkly bumping into people as if in a desire to create some form of solidarity. A couple joined us in our merriment. The man had a tendency to kick his wife's ass and seemed like an angry drown, so we avoided that situation. We ran into some pseudo-Russian with a bottle of vodka that was more than happy to further our demise but was a little to clingy and a little to confused to justify our extended attention. We danced away like leprechauns through a train station desperately in need of a place to relive ourselves.
At some point during the night we had decided to go to a strip-joint to warm ourselves after the night spiraled downward. We jumped on a trolly which was heading in what I thought was the "red light district." Much to our chagrin it was not. We took the trolly in the other direction. I was so tired/drunk that I dozed off and lost sight of my friend. I got off to find him only to realize my cell phone had no more credit. After some mindless walking and a successful trip to a urine stanched Subway I realized I could use a pay-phone. I made use of this dying commodity successfully and we were shortly thereafter reunited.
To our luck we were able to stumble a cross what we at the time thought was a strip club. We were seated next two two poles on a circular couch, and given menus. Some elderly girl got up to dance in a red dress and black high heels. She worked her way around the pole lifting up her dress just enough to titillate us but it hardly conformed to our preconceived notions of a strip club. We ordered Jacks, they came warm which worked well on our cold tired bodies. Two girls came to sit next to us, I had the more attractive one. She was wearing nothing but lingerie and disgustingly high heels. She asked me if I liked Hungary and what I did, what hotel I was staying in... twice. She had make up on her eyes but the rest of her face was rather bland. She kept moving her feet and playing with her hands. At one point she said that if I bought her a drink she would dance in my lap and for a fee we could go in the room and "you can touch the girl." I told her maybe later. I asked if she would be dancing. After a while I told her that I'm probably not wiling to spend any more cash, so she left seemingly relived. She started to dance after the next song.
After a while another couple of girls came to it and chat but we were both so sick of the place and so tired that we payed them little mind. In many ways I think the experience changed me. i never before that night realized what it truly meant to objectify a person. There I was, in my drunken state, slouching on this couch looking at some almost middle age woman move around a pole in could hardly be called seductive. But I was sitting there mentally undressing, well some of them anyway, looking at the bits of flesh their movements exposed, wondering hopping they would proceed further down this erotic path. I reduced these women to nothing but the object of my sexual inadequacies and it was not an unenjoyable experience. There was nothing truly sensual about the experience but m ability as a spectator to make it thus. Those women were there bored probably wondering how their kid was doing at home all alone on New Years, and here I was reducing them merely to flesh. I have never ben able to look at a woman like that before that night, either out of timidity or out of a concern for social customs, certainly for a lack of desire.
When you reduce a person like that you yourself feel less human. By devaluing other people you yourself lose in value.
As the night wore on and we warmed up we decided it was time to leave so we got the check only to realize that it exceeded a the amount of money we had. We put together all our money including a dirty 20 from my friend's sock and we were still short. After a while were to be quite honest neither of us was really worried, at least I wasn't. I felt a little numb. We were finally stood up taken to a back room, made to empty our pockets and sent on our way. We left the club at around six and made our way to the train station with out any money in our pockets, in just enough time to catch the first train to Vienna.
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