Through a Glass Darkly

Tried absinthe for the first time this weekend. I remember reading Hemingway: The Sun also Rises and The Garden of Edan, I remember Monet's and Picasso's absinthe drinkers and all the stories about the post-impresionists. I wasn't sure what to expect maybe some sort of different experience. It tasted like herbal tea, especially since i heated the glass up. I did not have a proper spoon or cared to light my room on fire, so the absinth wasn't served as it is traditionally meant to be served. All that aside, I felt nothing, or I did I didn't realize it. Doctors have a hard time distinguishing between s. and dug users, S. do not know as they are slipping into delusions, they only realize that in retrospect. It would seem you would only be able to know if you had felt something different in retrospect. The only thing I remember feeling is slightly awake... and hungry for some odd reason hmm. I was thinking about writing something just to see if I would be more creative, but I ended up going out that night. I saw Hairspry which was fabulous...

It seems that the people here are nicer to drunk kids. I went to the movie theater when I was sober and the cashier was down right rude, but the one last night was very nice. As was the bartender in the pub where I waited. I love walking the streets smoking here. I remember when I was younger and walking through Venice how I felt that each stone was filled with history. I have the same feeling here. I just imagine all the brilliant people that walked these very same streets as me. It is a very humbling feeling to know your place in life. Yet, I don't think you should ever accept that place when you are young, youth should be the fight against the monotony of old age. That that older people are necessarily boring. In fact the ones I have talked were quite interesting. Perhaps their life just seems monotonous, at least when we think about it at this age. I don't know, I don't think I am coming off to well in this discussion. In the I think you should be aware of your limits as a person and try to push beyond them to see if you think correctly, but not by making great strides but by little steps. Everything in moderation. But that seems to imply that I am afraid of changes... which would seem fair.

Cooked for the symposium today, actually spend most of the day cooing, a little bit of reading about the definition of art. The symposium was a little disappointing, few people showed up and the discussion didn't last very long, but it was fun if nothing else. Everybody loved my food which is nice to hear but never worth believing. In a world where compliments are dashed out for everything the not only lose their force but seem almost required when one works for something. I think hard work is over rated. Passion is as well, just because you want something doesn't mean you deserve it.

There is a film society that runs films every sunday night. There are several film societies but this one has the most interesting films, and the documentary film society never emailed me. I saw Bergman's Through a Glass Darkly, for the second time. I enjoyed it much better this time around a quote from the movie really struck me and I think I will use it in a paper I have to write. There of the characters are in a play and this quote is part of the play: "[A] thoroughbred artist: a poet with no poems, a painter with no pictures, a musician with no music. I despise ready... made art, the banal result of vulgar effort. My life is my work..." Art isn't about the products it is about the individual we value these individuals because they color our lives differently. We care that works are authentic because they are a tie to a person with a certain way of viewing the world. Forgers may duplicate artworks but as long as they do not capture the concepts behind the pieces they remain merely craftsman. I have always appreciated artists almost as much as I hate how they do not fit into my neat logical system. Emotions and the subjective aren't very parsimonious.

I went to a lecture friday after my tutor pointed out not so kindly that I should consider taking more. The lecture was whether there was a problem in taking a mixed view of the existence of time and modality. For example if you thought that all things exist you should probably think that everything exists presently. The discussion was very surreal it was as if some people took *real* concepts and reduced them to logical terms and started playing games with them. The paper presented didn't advance some philosophic thought, but tried to reconcile certain positions held by famous philosophers. One of those philosophers was there, and was able to holds the room's attention by merely describing the position he now holds. No justification was needed, he was one of the high priests of the field. Everyone was merely sucking his toes. I don't want to do that, doing things like that is the reason why I am so hesitant to go into academia. It is a world in itself with no relation to anything. It is like a beautiful chess match that only few are privileged to see. I like playing chess as much as the next eastern european, but I can't see myself living in a world so oblivious to everything else. There are practical applications to philosophy but they are rather worthless. Oh well, que sera sera... I have that Doris Day song stuck in my head my head. I went too a play about Sylvia Plath and that song was in it.

For anyone with an hour to waste this is worth seeing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HqdnjgkExY.